Friday I had to go for a procedure called an endoscopy.  

This is where, under sedation, a small camera is inserted into your throat and maneuvered down to your stomach.

I have had this procedure done many times, and I'm not afraid of it.  It's not particularly uncomfortable, and I respond to anesthesia very well.

But you can see where my mind was as I was drawing.

ps.  All is well in my innards.

There are some days when I'm very happy with the drawing and the process.   If I'm looking for some grand meaning in this whole thing, perhaps it would be better to just sit back and enjoy.

When I sat down this morning, I let myself fill up with positive feelings.  I looked forward to doing the drawing.  

But something happened. 

 Did I jinx myself?  I think it just happens sometimes that the drawing isn't so good, no matter what mood I'm in or whatever else could affect it.  There's some wild element that I can't control, and when the picture turns out right, it's very exciting.

But other times, not so much.

I drew it, I took a picture of, and then I sat down to eat breakfast and completely forgot to post it!

Wha?

I think I am stuck in a rut with these drawings.  Altho I like doing them, I seem to be doing the same thing over and over.  Basically it seems like surface design.  First I draw the lines to make the "surfaces," and then I decorate them.  I want to find another way to approach this, but I don't want to over think it too much.

Well, we shall see what happens.

I'm liking this drawing.  Even though it is fairly simple in its decoration, the composition is very pleasing to me.

Late last night I made the decision NOT to do a drawing this weekend.  I was tired and I knew it would be rushed and not accomplish anything.  So I skipped it.  

I forgot to post this yesterday!  Where was my head?

It was one of those moving-real-slow mornings, until the toilet overflowed just as we were leaving. And somehow the posting of the picture got forgotten.

Sorry about that.

I just like this picture so much.  I was thinking about curvy shapes, similar to paisley, and everything that came out of my pen was like magic.  

And so now I have the weekend in which to do my longer drawing session.  It is good to go into it with such positive feelings.

Very satisfying work this morning.  

I am really happy with this composition. 

 I think my new watchword is "movement."  

I wanted to make something pretty today.  So I think my attitude was very positive.  

And having a drawing to look at after deciding on a good attitude, well, that's just frosting.  

It's gonna be a good day.

An easy flowing drawing for today.  I had a much better night, and awoke feeling very optimistic.  

I'm surprised that the points on some of my brand new markers are starting to get a bit mushy.  I've been using the .3 mm for a while now.  I guess I need to change them out more often.

I had a bad night last night.  And yet, I had a good time drawing this.  But it's not my favorite drawing of all time.

I think that I'm at a place where it's hard for me to tell what effect these drawings are having on me on a day to day basis.  I know that when I started, I felt like I was doing something.  Now, sometimes, it feels like a chore.  And I know if I were to stop, I would miss it.  So I will keep going.  And I will look for the joy while I'm drawing.

This is the drawing that I took 30 minutes on last night.  I think I had some good ideas, and it was nice to take the extra time.  I could feel the difference.  But I was a bit daunted when I sat down.  How was I going to fill 30 minutes with drawing?  Once I started, tho, it wasn't too bad.

I was dreaming about birds this morning.  I think it came out in this drawing. 

I repeated that wavy line with the parallel lines within it from yesterday's drawing.  I find drawing that very satisfying.

Yesterday was such a dead day at work.  It was probably 3:00 before I did any store-related work at all, I was so bored. And I think my feeling seeped into this drawing a little.  Notice how it all goes nowhere, there's no focus.  

But I enjoyed making the picture, anyway.

Another pleasing drawing and session today.  I am seeing quilt ideas regularly.  Maybe sometime I will have time to follow up on some of these ideas.

I've been using a finer point lately, .03 mm.  I was using an .08 mm for a while there, but I like different things sometimes.

I really like this drawing today.

I sort of approached it in a bit of a panic because I had no good ideas in my head, or so I thought.

But those good ideas were in there somewhere.

I started this project to help me stay in touch with my creative self, which it is doing.  And because I thought it would boost my self esteem, and it really does that on those days when I'm satisfied with the drawing.  

Well, I've been doing a drawing everyday for a whole month now.  It's been an interesting journey, and I'm looking forward to next month's sessions.

I have made the decision that for the month of February, I will do one half-hour drawing on the weekend.  I'm feeling the need to give more time at least some of the time to the drawings.  So we'll see how that works out.

This drawing prompted a real emotional response from me.

I was initially attracted to the wedge-shape the marker makes when a quick line is drawn.  But then I saw that is was all these sharp little things, buzzsawing along in my drawing, and I allowed some frustration and anxiety to be expressed.

It was cathartic.  Yay for art therapy.

I was trying to do too much yesterday, and it was way past my bedtime when I realized I still hadn't done my drawing for the day.  I still needed to cut my paper, too, so I was rushing to finish so I could go to sleep.  

But I like the drawing, even though I rushed.  I know I didn't take the whole 15 minutes.  There is some part of my brain that is becoming proficient at this.  And despite the late hour, it felt good to draw.

I'm happy with this drawing.  It just seemed to flow from my pen.  So, no slog today.  

I'm surprised as I am very sleep deprived, and I have a headache this morning, so I was expecting a disaster.  But there was something soothing about the process, despite all that has gone before.  

An epiphany this morning:

Sometimes making art is a slog. 

 I think subconsciously, I wanted to get to the stage where I had to push myself to keep going and work through the block.  I don't think I thought about it much when I set out to do this, but I recognized the symptoms this morning.  I have been here before, and I know that I will get past it and it will be an accomplishment.

So bring on the slog!

The mandala idea continues.

Perhaps it's a good idea, perhaps not.  But it's nice to have a jumping off point.

I am going in a different direction.  I was sensing a bit of boredom with this project, and I have tried something new in order to dispel that.  I also used a finer point marker than I have been using, and that was pleasing, too.  

The word that comes to mind is mandala.

Definitely had fun during my session this morning.  Not all of my ideas are really good ideas, but it's nice to have the freedom to pursue them anyway.

I think I am thinking about the spring...

Early on, I could tell that my heart just wasn't in this one.  But what could I 

do?  If I knew I wasn't going to be happy with the outcome, how should I proceed?

I decided to just keep going and "have fun with it."  I asked myself if I haven't been having fun lately, and the answer was that I have been having fun.  I've just also been more focused than I was tonight.  I'm trying to do too much.  And I didn't allow my project enough space in my mind to really settle down.

And so you can see the result.

I seem to be going organic again.

Doing the drawing at the end of the day seems to make a different part of my brain work.  But I like doing it at either end of the day - early or late.  I think it would be difficult to try to get to the right place in my brain in the  middle of the day - too many distractions.

Anyway, I also seem to be wanting to like the finished product.  As long as that doesn't interfere with the process of making the drawing, I'm ok with it.  The minute I feel pressured to make a pretty picture, tho, I'll let you know.

Weirder and weirder.

I feel a bit ambivalent about the result of today's drawing session.  But I felt fairly confident during the actual drawing time.  That is how I've felt a lot this week: confident.  I seem to have gotten over some hesitation, at least temporarily.  That's all good!

Confidence is very high lately.  I feel I can do no wrong with the drawings, and the process feels like melted butter.

Or maybe some bacon.

Sorry.  Got distracted there.  The process feels like it's very smooth and flowing.

Somewhat like the curvy lines I seem to bee attracted to lately.

Have a great day!

Oh what a fantastic picture!  I mean the photo, not necessarily the drawing.  I must remember how I did this so all my pictures can look like this.  

Another enjoyable drawing session.  I am really attracted to organic forms!

Playing around with figure and ground.

Another day of double successfulness: like the process, like the drawing.  

But the photo is a bit wonky.  Oh well.

I like this drawing.

And I liked drawing it.

What more could I ask for?

Well, I think because it's a little less patterned than I usually strive for, I could spend more time on the designing of the drawing, and that was more satisfying.  I guess it's a little hard at the moment to get away from wanting something nice when I'm done with the session.  But I did enjoy the process, too, so nothing was sacrificed.

I hope this  makes you laugh a little.  It made me laugh.

Who says my drawings always have to be serious?

Again, I waited until the end of the day to do the drawing, and it felt different.  I was tired, but I was relaxed, too, so I wasn't rushing.  As soon as the amoeba form appeared, I felt powerless to stop it.  But I didn't want to stop it, either.  Perhaps taking these drawings a little less seriously is something I should remember to do every once in a while.

Even tho this seems a little cartoonish, I was pleased with the drawing.  That is not something I thought I would shoot for; I thought the process was always going to be the important part.  But feeling ambivalent about the drawings day after day was sorta sapping the life out of the project for me.  So this one is an antidote for that feeling, and if you think it's silly, too bad.  I do, too, but I like silly.

Today's drawing has been tampered with.  

Actually, I took the picture a little differently: I zoomed in instead of just taking it without the zoom.  And then I edited the picture in a different program: Aperture.  My husband swears by this program, and it was pretty easy to crop, straighten and enhance.  But I think I need to adjust the levels a bit more as this looks less white than I like.

So I'm fiddling again.  

It seems to me that at some point I decided that these drawings were not going to be representational.  I may have said that out loud to someone, but I don't think I put that in my parameters on the sidebar of the blog.

But now I'm wondering if that should be a parameter.  I seem to be drawing a lot of plant-like forms.  They might not be recognizable, actual earthly plants, but they are recognizable anyway.  I think I'll just allow myself to pursue this, or not, as my brain wants.  

But I will draw the line at setting up an object to draw it.  That is not what these drawings are about.

I enjoyed drawing these viney items.  I liked the other lines I drew, but then the filling in of the spaces got a bit dicey.  And I think I might have gone over my 15 minute limit.  I wasn't paying attention.

I have a confession to make.

The idea for this drawing came to me as I was trying to fall asleep last night. 

Usually, when I start thinking about what to draw next, I try to distract myself in order to ensure that my drawings stay spontaneous.  But I decided to just see what it felt like to act on the inspiration that comes to me at odd moments, when I'm not drawing.

I actually enjoyed drawing out my idea, for the most part.  It really felt just like it does when I don't know where the drawing is going.  But when I had gotten as far as my vision had gone, and still had to fill in the rest of the drawing area, I struggled a bit.  And I don't like the solution I came up with.  

Not sure if this is a cause and effect situation, or merely the inevitable happening.  I mean, I can't believe that I will always like what I draw, whether it is pre-planned or purely impulsive.  And, like I've said before, it's the process that's important, not the finished product.  So my liking it is irrelevant.  

Anyway, lots to think about.

It's interesting to me how different the process is when I draw the picture at the end of the day instead of at the beginning.  There are several new ideas in this drawing.

Got up around 4am, with my husband who was getting ready to go to work.  Couldn't go back to sleep until 5:30 or so, and when I woke up at 7, I had to rush to get to work, so I put off the drawing until after dinner.  I didn't have that sense of accomplishment and worthiness to draw on at work, but for just one day, it was ok.  

This morning I felt some reluctance to sit and do the drawing.  I think the process has become a bit flat because I have approached each drawing from the same idea, or something like that.

In any case, the prominent feeling was "Do Something Different," which naturally made me feel self conscious and discontented with the end product.  

Is it counter productive to push yourself out of your comfort zone when doing something that is meant to be impulse-by-impulse, or does the push eventually lead to more interesting places?

I guess that is the whole point of the experiment.  Or one of the whole points.

A late start this morning.  We are snowed in and I was up late and a lot during the night as we watched the snow pile up and tried to decide who, if anybody, was going to try to go to work today.

We all stayed home.  

I discovered a closed door made it much easier to concentrate amidst all the activity going on around me, and it sent the message: Do Not Disturb.

Really, they can live without me for 15 minutes a day!

But once the door was closed, I went to my happy place.

I felt rushed this morning.  I think it might have been the cup of coffee hitting my system, or else it was just the fact that everyone was awake and running around making noise.  Plus I wound up with both birds on me.  Not very conducive to concentration.  

It's always a bit more difficult to have a good drawing session when I am not the only one awake in the  morning, but I think my family is learning to not disturb me very much.  

Having my alarm go off twice, tho.  That was distracting.  

Still, I am feeling very good about the direction my drawings are taking lately, and about the way my brain feels more like home to me.  

Today I have to get my eyes checked, and then I am going to pick up some art supplies.  Nothing too extravagant, just something I want to experiment with.

I think I may have figured out how to take a better picture: I used a lamp to light this, which kept my flash from going off.  I didn't think it would be better, but after I fiddled with the picture, I was pretty happy with it.  

I was also pretty happy with my drawing session.  I could have gone on for more than 15 minutes, but there's other things I need to do, so I stopped.  Maybe when I don't have to go somewhere in the morning, like on Saturday, I can try to spend a little more time on the drawing. 

One week down!

Another day, another drawing. 

And another chance to feel like I've made something unique.  I really enjoyed today's session.  I used a very fine point, and that worried me.  I was afraid it would be hard to fill the space.  But in the end it didn't really make a big difference.  I listened to NPR while I was drawing and that was entertaining.

It's a little funny to me how hard it is to get the photo right.  That takes a bit of practice, I suppose.

I've had another bit of inspiration and hope to get the chance to make something of it soon.  I really feel like the juices are flowing again.  It's only been a handful of days!  Sorta like riding a bicycle, I guess.

This one looks a little angry.  I don't know why.

An artist makes art.  That is my belief.  And even producing this small piece of art can carry me through a day of boredom and lack of purpose feeling like I have a purpose and I have value.  I don't always feel like the drawings themselves have value and purpose, maybe, but that's besides the point.

What a difference a good night's sleep makes! 

 But I think I might be trying too hard at the moment.  

There's too much planning going on while I'm drawing.  I need to just follow my impulses and let the drawing happen.  

Still, it is good to go to that place in my mind where creativity happens.

Also still working on taking better pictures!

I did not sleep well last night, and I could really tell the difference in today's drawing session.  My hand was not steady and I felt rushed.  But I found my camera!  Still need to work on taking better pictures.

On a related topic: very creative yesterday.  Took the next step in a little project I started a couple of days ago.  I'm not finished yet, but I'm pleased with my progress.

First drawing of the year.  

There was a lot to prepare this morning, what with the cutting the paper to size and all.  But when everything was ready and assembled, I sat down and had a wonderful drawing session. 

I will have to work on taking better pictures of my drawing, though.  Step 1: find my camera.  This pic was taken with my husband's cell phone.